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FIRST: I would say that you can't just "drop" friends because they have had negative experiences with groups/organizations. Because of these experiences, they will always be against organizations that have the power to accept/reject people. However, those people that truly dislike organizations based on the fact that they are somewhat elitist, but truly like YOU based upon your own personal characteristics, may berate fraternities/sororities all they want, but will support YOU both during and after your quest because you are a friend. Who knows? If you make it you may be able to shed a more accurate light on their perceptions.
SECOND: Jazadah (and other Sisterfriends), do not contort yourself for a Sorority or any other group of people. If you feel as if you have to somehow change your stripes in order to be acceptable to certain people/members of an organization, then maybe you're either pursuing the wrong organization or you need to take some lessons in self-esteem. If you are a choreography/PE major, then you cannot concievably run around in high heels all day. If there is an event given by the Sorority in the middle of the quad at high noon, then I doubt the dress expectations will far exceed athletic gear.
In the words (slightly changed) of JFK: think not what your choice of Sorority can offer you; but what you can offer to your choice of Sorority!!! You are EXPECTED to dress appropriately, that is a given. How do you go above and beyond appearance expectations? Sororities are diverse. Think about what you can offer the Sorority that comes naturally to you. Everyone has his/her own gifts that she brings to the organization: spirtuality, dance, physical prowess, musical accomplishment, academic strength, glamour, sophistication, focus, class, the ability to get along with people and strengthen relationships, etc., etc. Without diversity among its members, the Sorority would undoubtedly fail miserably. You are who you are and, if you appreciate yourself and what you can offer, so will others. Have you ever thought about offering to help with a program by doing something you already do well?
To All Sisterfriends: While looking appropriate is expected, offering a talent goes above and beyond the call of duty and will help you to get to know members in a way that allows you to shine. Look at our targets and reflect on what you can bring to the chapter to help to fulfill them. Remember that each chapter has a mandate to fulfill each target. What talents/skills are you prepared to offer as a Soror that you can put to use right now in order to help the chapter as a Sisterfriend? Some chapters, especially those at predominately white universities, are very small and probably would not rebuff your assistance with certain public events and community service activities if offered IN THE RIGHT MANNER. Previously very small chapters are now even smaller due to the intake freeze and would probably be happy to have you around. PE Majors: can you conduct an aerobics workshop? Music/education majors: can you accompany Sorors to elementary schools and help teach small children songs? English/math/science majors: can you help in after school tutoring sessions both at the university and local elementary schools? Women's studies/African-American Studies majors: can you conduct a workshop/make-up a game that will help people to better learn our history in America? Social butterflies: do you know almost everyone on campus so that you would be a great person to advertise events? Don't be pushy, just let them know where your strengths and talents lie and that you're interested in offering them to the chapter.
My advice: Show your interest by being USEFUL, not just cute. You will shine at your own strength, you will get to know the chapter better, and, THEY WILL GET TO KNOW YOU!
DISCLAIMER: I was initiated at a university that had a very small chapter and low African-American enrollment. We used every resource (live and inanimate) we had in order to put on successful events that weren't too costly. In a chapter of 4-6 members, we had to recruit PE people to do aerobics events, recruit Women's Studies people to put on rape awareness workshops, and we accepted the help of a a dance major on campus to help out our own Soror dance major when choreographing our step shows (she later became a Soror, BTW). This is not the case on all campuses, though! So, before you offer anything, scope out the Sorors on campus and see whether you think they would be willing to have you assist.
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