[lovelyivy84]

The issue is just too complicated. It's not only what the person dating outsife of their race thinks of their people, it's also about how society perceives the group.

Society thinks that black women are not beautiful. Our features, our bodies are constantly devalued and belittled. For centuries black women were only of use to mainstream society in the dark (see Strom Thurmond's black daughter for prime example #1). Black men on the other hand are desirable- not for particularly good or noble reasons, but because of the myth of the black buck.

The mainstream attitudes have an affect on US a lot of times- we start believing that our features make us less beautiful than others. We live in a society where race doesn't matter as much as class- a powerful man is attractive to many women regardless of race. The minute a black man becomes succesful a white girlfriend or wife is a sign of his rise in status. He's passed beyond US to someone others will think of as 'truly' beautiful. The reverse just doesn't occur nearly as often- rich black women associate with rich white men who want rich white women (they want their trophy wives too). I am not stating this as an absolute (I mean for every three or four Quincy Jones' you have a Denzel and for every Diana Ross you have an Angela Basset) but that is the trend.

So even when brothers find a white woman and LOVE their woman it becomes suspect because of the history and the self-hatred that so many black men AND women hold.

I try not to personalize it. I date whoever I find something in common with across the board, be they black, white or asian. I don't have a hard time because I don't restrict myself- I'll find love wherever I find it. If I see a black man in an interracial relationship I will give him the benefit of the doubt that he feels the same.

Even when I KNOW HE DOESN'T I don't care. Everyone knows black people who don't associate with other blacks (I had a long conversation with one girl where I had to tell her we weren't going to make her into a mindless clone or reject her for not being "black" enough- we all went through the same issues) and honestly, would YOU want to date them? Are YOU interested in that person? Even if they're rich and well educated and look like Taye Diggs? Of course not because they have ISSUES! Dating a self-hater will eventually bite you in the ass, regardless of how good he looks to your Mama and your friends. As far as I see it, it isn't my business, I am not interested in someone who isn't interested in me and if they think they have held the self-hatred at bay then I can only wish them the best of luck, as they will need it.