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NEW ORLEANS!!!
You Know You're A Native Of New Orleans if...
...your sunglasses fog up when you step outside.
...no matter where else you go in the world, you are always disappointed in the food.
...your loved one dies and you book a jazz band before you call the coroner.
...your accent sounds nothing like Harry Connick, Jr's.
...you can sing these jingles by heart: "Rosenberg's, Rosenberg's, 1825 Tulane;" "At the beach, at the beach, the Pontchartrain Beach..."
....your baby's first words are "long beads."
...you ask, "How they running?" and "Are they fat?" but, you're inquiring about seafood quality and not the Cresent City Classic.
...when a hurricane is imminent, you have a lot more faith in Nash Roberts than some Super Doppler 6000.
...your town is low on the education chart, high on the obesity chart and you don't care because you're No. 1 on the party chart.
....nothing shocks you. Period. Ever.
...being in a jam at Tulane and Broad isn't the same as being stuck in traffic.
...your idea of health food is a baked potato instead of fries with your seafood platter.
...you believe Ronnie Virgits should be Archbishop.
...you have to take your coffee and favorite coffeemaker with you on a three-day trip.
...you exhibit the "doubloon reflex" by stomping runaway coins with your foot.
...you have sno-ball stains on your shoes.
...you call tomato sauce "red gravy."
...your middle name is your mother's maiden name, or your father's mother's maiden name, or your mother's mother's maiden name, or your grandmother's mother's maiden name, or your grandfather's mother's maiden name.
...you know you recycled too much newspaper when there isn't enough for the dinner (or crawfish) table.
...you're going through customs and the agent asks you where you're from and you answer, "Gentilly."
...on certain Spring days, Crawfish Monica is your breakfast.
...your house payment is less than your utility bill.
...you've done your laundry in a bar.
...you push little old ladies out of the way to catch Mardi Gras throws.
...you don't show your "pretties" during Mardi Gras.
...you write "crookedpolitician" as all one word.
...you know it's "ask" but you purposely say "ax."
...you understand it when someone describes their favorite color as K&B purple.
...you know how to mispronounce street names correctly. (Melpomene, Terpsichore, Chartres, etc.)
...you know that Tchoupitoulas is a street and not a disease.
...you "boo" the mayor on national television.
...beignets are the major cause of your gallstones.
...you wear sweaters in because it ought to be cold.
...someone asks you, "Where y'at?" and you tell them how you are.
...you think of potholes as naturally-occurring speed bumps.
...your grandparents are called "Maw-Maw" and "Paw-Paw."
...your Santa Claus rides an alligator and your favorite Saint is a football player.
...you suck heads, eat tail, sing the blues and you actually know where you got them shoes.
...you shake out your shoes before putting them on.
...you're afraid to move away because you won't be able to make groceries.
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