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In my seven years of marriage, here's some of the things I've learned
My survival tips.....
One of the reasons many marriages fail in my opinion is selfishness. The "I want what I want when I want it and can't nobody tell me what to do 'cause I'm grown" mentality. If you are spoiled, self centered and selfish, do yourself a favor and don't get married. Selflessness is putting your spouse's needs above your needs--even when they are acting crazy.
1 Corinthians 13 and it's defination of love, as Honeykiss mentioned should be the standard you try to meet everyday.
Truly learn how to FORGET. Your spouse is going to do somethings that truly piss you off. Get over it.
Learn how to say I'm sorry and mean it.
Sometimes--a lotta times--you just gotta pray!
Don't sweat the small stuff. He won't put the seat down in the bathroom? Learn to look before you sit. She leaves long hairs in the bathroom sink? Take a towel and wipe them out.
While I agree that you should not expect a person to stay the same, be prepared if they do. What's cute in college and at 22, may not be so cute when you are 42 . You fell in love because he was "spontaneous and a free spirit". Well, how will you feel about it if this "free spirit" quits his job to open an Art Gallery? Like your girl cause she is super organized and good with money? Well, will it still be cute if she makes you keep track of every penny you spend and puts it in a spreadsheet (down to the 50 cents you spent on a Coke at work. I know someone who does that.) Someone told me to magnify my then boyfriend's best qualities by 1o and see if they are still cute. Then magnify the stuff that irritates the heck out of me by 10 and see if that would be o.k. too If you can deal with the good and the bad.
Be careful of the company you keep. I know that's your boy/girl, but if they ain't nevah in a good relationship and always bad mouthing yours, it may be time to get some new friends, or at least limit the time with that friend. You want to be around folks who will lift you and your relationship up and let you know when you are tripping.
I agree about the therapy thing as well. A lot of us have not seen good role models in marriage, and really don't know how it is supposed to work. Then, if we have had "good" role models some of us expect our marriages to be exactly like them or our husbands to behave like our dads (and know this instinctively) or our wives to behave like our mothers. It doesn't always work that way. My husband and I have gone to see a therapist 2 times. The first time we went for one session. We had come to an empasse about something things and needed an impartial 3rd party. One session was more than enough. The second time we spent a little more time, but it was well worth it. We both needed to get rid of some of the "junk" we had regarding relationships and expectations.
On a related note...As Christians we wanted to go to a Christian Counselor, and as much as I love and respect my pastor did not think he was the best person for a few reasons. We found in our search for a good counselor that everyone who claims to be a Christian counselor does not practice as such, and all counselors are not good counselors. So, if you are looking for someone for individual or couples counseling I encourage you to interview several people, pray about it, and pick the best one for you.
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