Quote:
Originally posted by Shelacious
There are a variety of reasons folks don't RSVP: some assume that "you" know they are coming because "you" know they wouldn't miss it for the world! Some remember the days of family members providing a potluck so that things like rental fees and head counts weren't a factor. Some figure that an email or phone call suffices the same as an RSVP card reply (which of course is not even required as a part of the wedding invitation etiquette-wise, but wisely and thoughtfully provided by the bride).
At any rate, couple of ways to deal with this:
1. Assume that the emails and phone calls imply an RSVP, so include all forms of affirmative communication (email, call, mail) as an affirmation of attendance. Of course if you've asked guests to provide a guest # or meal preference on the RSVP card, this way could pose a problem.
2. Maybe this is not standard etiquette, but if you have very few mailed RSVPs and you are concerned about wasting money or the embarassement of having too few meals (or declining people at the door, which you don't want to do), here's another way to handle this. After July 1 have your wedding party members (usually bridesmaids) call the guests who have "not responded" (or only those guests you would expect to be there but have not responded, which may be more manageable and realistic) and say something like: "hi Aunt Bertha. we are sending in the final count for Martha's wedding reception this week and as we didn't not receive an RSVP from you, we are assume that you will be unfortunately unable to join us on August 1? Is this correct?" Aunt Bertha will either say "blah, blah, blah I have back surgery that day..." or "oh child, you know I just plumb forget to send that card back, but I already have my dress picked out." Either way, you'll know the answer.
Hope this helps.
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You snatched the words right out of my mouth.
It is perfectly acceptable to have members of your wedding party call and confirm attendance of those who haven't RSVPed. For the situation, it is actually the proper response. It is better etiquette to call and confirm than it is to have thirty people show up at the reception and have to turn them away.
Good luck on the wedding and God Bless on the marriage.