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Oh, where can I start?! I really have the the co-worker from hades. Her whole life is this job. She comes in on weekends and doesn't charge the company overtime; she enjoys helping out the firm. She has a picture of our boss in a frame at home...and it's autographed. When our boss is on vacation, she pouts (ie. throws things, slams doors) when he calls me, and doesn't ask to speak to her. She has kicked me out of meeting with the boss 'cause it's "her time" to meet with him. Our boss (who bears an unfortunate resemblance to Dilbert's Pointy Haired Boss) makes the entire office be nice to her because she's "got problems" Gee, you think?! He thinks it's sweet that she has a thing for him. I'm thinking, hello! Have you not seen the movie "Misery"??!!
So, anyway, nitwit girl loves to get praise from the boss, and hates it when he praises anyone else. One day, our boss asked me to take over a project for her. She gives me a bunch of things to copy, and it literally takes me all morning. I come back, PHM is standing by my desk waiting for me, and he's like what's taking so long? It turns out, she intentionally gave me the wrong directions, so I could look like a fool in front of the boss. I didn't need to copy the 1000+ report and send it out to everybody in the firm All I needed to do was download it to my computer and send it out to the office cooridnators only. Nitwit then had the bald-faced nerve to lie to PHB in front of me and say she never told me to make copies, and couldn't understand why I was in the copy room so long, and assumed I was merely flirting with some of the attorneys.
I really wanted to deck her, but I like being employed. I went home and stewed about it, then decided to get my revenge, slowly, over a long period of time. Over the last few weeks I have done the following:
1) Intermix her red, blue, and black pens. (She has a separate container for each color). Drives her nuts.
2) Intermixed her paper clip and binder clips. She can't start the day unless they are in size order. Took her 45 minutes to straighten them out and place them in their proper place on her desk.
3) Placed an opened can of tuna in her desk under a bunch of papers from 1998. Left it there for 2 weeks until the stench was so bad, Office Services had to come in.
4) Walked over to her desk and copied her notes. Apparently, she felt the need to list how many non-business calls we make in a day, how long we went to lunch, things that are none of her business. I gave copies to everyone she was prepared to tattle on, and send one to HR.
5) Talked the entire office into wearing "Happy" because she doesn't like the scent.
There are many more, but you get the idea. The best part? She actually thinks it isn't me! She told my best friend in the office that there's no way I'd be smart enough (!) to come up with any of these things. Oh, yeah...that little comment is going to cost her!
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