Being a huge Dan Savage disciple, I totally agree with his advice! He came to my school for a book signing--so I got to meet him and he rocks. I adore how he's trying to get people to call bad or deviant sex acts (in various shapes or forms) "Santorum."
I think it's gross that the daughter was using the dildo, and it probably wasn't the first time. But not discussing it will probably lead her to more and more things, including actual intercourse, which at her age, can't be good. I think she just set up the girl to be horribly sexually repressed, just like she probably is. Why would an adult woman, old enough to be the parent of a 14 year old, be ashamed of owning sex toys?
I wonder how it turned out for them.