For funerals... I usually wear mostly or all black. A black pantsuit with white or grey blouse, a black skirt or pants and blouse... depends on the weather and how well I knew the deceased. (For a family member, all or mostly black. If I'm just dropping by a wake or making a shiva call where the deceased is someone I scarcely know, I don't worry so much, but I still wear something relatively somber - that's not the time for the bright red hootchie mama dress
)
I distinctly remember, when I was about 8, getting dressed to go to a relative's funeral. Little girls don't wear black
so I had not a thread of black clothing... my mother told me that it was acceptable for young girls to wear white, as it symbolized purity. *shrug* I wound up wearing a grey sweater and skirt.
As for ritual wear... we had a thread on this not too long ago, that got out of hand (people revealing way too much about their ritual gear) and had to be locked... so take care what you say in that regard