DON'T GIVE UP! DON'T GIVE UP! DON'T GIVE UP!
I am not a mentor but I was a mentee.
Although my situation was not as extreme as your mentee's, I too had a lot to deal with. My mother was diagnosed with multiple personality disorder, so she was never really fully capable of taking care of my brother and I, so I had to do it. We lived off of my mothers disability check that came only once a month, so we didn't have much of anything. I didn't have a sister and the 4 girl cousins I had, out of 20, were all well over 10 years older than me and lived in different states, not to mention the family ostracized us because of my mom's disability. So, I had no female influences. However, my mother cared about us sooooooo much, that she took the initiative to enroll us (my brother and I) in a Big Brothers and Sisters program when I was 12.
When I first met my big sister, I didn't want to do anything with her. I didn't want her coming to my house, seeing where I lived, knowing my mother was "crazy", knowing that we hardly had food in the house, or feeling sorry for us and doing things for me out of pitty. She would make plans for us like going to the movies and things of that nature, but like your mentee, I would have things to do, forget, or just not be home.
One day she came to my house unannounced and sat me down and basically came out and asked me why I was avoiding her. I didn't want to tell her the truth so I just shrugged my shoulders. She then asked me what were some of the things that I liked to do, placing the ball in my court. Finally she said that if I ever wanted to do anything with her or if I ever needed to just get away from home or just to talk, from this point on I would have to be the one to call her and let her know and she would be there. I didn't call her for nearly a month, and one day the situation at my house got so bad and I didn't have anybody to turn to and I remembered her invitation and I called her. She was there for me. That showed me I could trust her and that she was ginuinly interested in me.
I began to call her on a regular basis after that. She would come and pick me up and take me to school and introduce me to her friends and sorors as her little sister - minus the explaination of the program, which ensured me that she was sincere. She taught me what sisterhood really meant through her actions and not her words. She taught me that there was no need to be ashamed of my background; emphasizing that I had no choice of whom my family would be, but I did have a choice on whom I would be. Through her encouragement I learned to accept my mothers illness and began to embrace my mother more than I ever had before, sharing with her some of the sisterhood I had been shown.
I am now working on a dual degree in biology and physiology. I have been on the dean's list the entire time. My mother was treated and CURED of her illness. We are now the best of friends.
It has been 12 years since I met my "Big Sister", and we have never stopped communicating since. I lived with her for about a year when she moved to California (about 3000 miles from where I lived). I was in her wedding in '98. And, when the whole country was wondering who would win California, I called her to make sure she voted
(had to throw that one in there).
The point is: DON'T GIVE UP! DON'T GIVE UP! DON'T GIVE UP!
You might be just what that girl needs in her life right now. Just give it time, but be persistant.
Good luck, and keep us posted. I want to read one day that things have turned around 180 degrees.
PS. My big sister didn't buy me things unless it was a holiday or my birthday, or I brought home the bomb report card. So it might be helpful if you didn't just buy things (church dresses excluded) for no reason, it might make her feel like she's recieving charity and she just might look at you as the "rich lady" and nothing more.
P.P.S. You don't have to preach to her, she will be watching what you do, and if you spend enough time with her you will notice a change. When she says things that you think need correcting, approach it from a differnt angle. For example if she said something like "I anit got no money" you could say, " oooh that would have sounded so much better if you'd said 'I don't have any money', then laugh it off, saving her the embarrassment. That shows her that you accept her; broke-down ebonics and all. She will begin to correct herself right before your eyes. You'll see. There will be no words for the feeling you'll have when you notice the change for the first time.
I emulate my big sister to this day. She has become a part of me (as anyones sister or mother would). She has given me a sense of self. I will be forever greatful to my mother, to my sister, and to God, for giving me that opportunity.
I hope this helps