[PM_Mama00]

Funny that I was going thru the boards and found this thread.

I've read a lot of what people have written. I don't see suicide as selfish. Why? Because I believe that sometimes others make people's lives so miserable that they can't find another way out. I'm not saying that in all cases though.

I don't think people realize the impact that their words or actions have on others. I have always been someone who is effected by others, even when I know I shouldn't be. I have my ups and my downs. For example, I've been kinda happy lately, but the last few days I've just been really upset and have been begging my friends to take me out so I don't sit at home thinking about everything. There are a few words that people say that will totally set me off into a very depressed mood, and today a guy that I really like called me one of these words. And what I coincidence? I was searching the boards and found an interesting post by him that had to do with depression. People need to be nicer and watch what they say. Ever since 10th grade when I started feeling like this, I've tried a lot more to be nicer to people, because you never know what kind of secrets they have. Maybe he'll read this and think about what he said. I'm not sayin to baby someone who is depressed, but what people do or say DOES have an impact on some people.

I've thought about suicide alot... more than I should. I've cut my arms on more than one occassion because I was so upset. I regret doing that because they are so noticeable and everytime I look at them I think "damn, why do I let people get to me like that?"

I've never been to a doctor. Back in high school when I really needed help, my mom didn't believe me and told me that I didn't have any problems. I wonder how she'd feel if she knew that she was one of the problems. I've never been diagnosed as clinically depressed, although my best friend who is a psych major told me that I should go.

The one thing that I realized that makes me feel better.... crying. Everytime I'm home alone, I just sit and realize how many things in my life make me unhappy, things that I cannot change. So I cry my eyes out until I feel better. And it works.

Everyone.... please be careful of what you say to people or call people. Some people may seem "pathetic" because they are having problems, and looking for new friends to cheer them up.

damn that felt good to get all that out