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shadokat, I see your point.
One of the reasons I like Kappa's policy so much is that it hasn't always been that way....as a Recruitment Adviser I used to have to make those calls ALL THE TIME--to mothers, grandmothers, aunts, sisters--and each time, it broke my heart to have to do so (especially when I really liked the legacy in question, but the chapter decided otherwise).
I guess my point is that in my years of having to make those calls, I was always struck by the way in which different women handled the news.
I always expected a bit of sadness (tears were not uncommon), anger (I've had more than my share of expletives launched at me), and bitterness. I guess my issue has always been that so often I was treated...how shall I say without going into detail...un-sisterly. And I bet this happens in all of the 26 NPC sororities, too, as I have heard the same "war stories" from friends in other orgs. who are long-time Recruitment Advisors like myself.
While I always tried to afford the women on the other end of the line a great deal of latitude, I was always amazed at some of the "crazy" responses I got from women who just days before were sending me the kindest, warmest notes about their daughter and their own lifelong dedication to Kappa. Some women seem to think that chapters are "out to cut legacies"--when nothing could be further from the truth.
I stand by Kappa's decision to keep a PNM's recruitment outcome private (whether she is a legacy or not)...but I can see why other orgs would want to let a legacy's family in on the decision.
I guess my main caveat is this: if you're that mother or sister or aunt who receives a phone call--whether from a chapter or from your PNM--that tells you your girl didn't get your org, just try to be as civil as you can about it, even if you are (understandably) devastated. To the PNM who calls, you are setting the tone for how she will see the Greek world from now on. And to the sister/alumna who is calling, you are setting an example of how members of your sisterhood are supposed to treat each other.
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