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In our chapter, we send out letters to the new members' parents specifically asking them to write back if they have any concerns about the pledging process. I think chapters need to be prepared for parents like these, because they're the norm these days -- not the exception. I think it's natural for a parent to be that concerned -- especially if this kid is their oldest child. Or their youngest child. Or their only child. They've just let their kid go away from home for the first time, they're just starting to trust the kid to make their own decisions, and in many instances, they are the ones paying for the fraternity or sorority costs. I wouldn't want to be pouring in 800 dollars a semester to see my kid being hazed, either. I don't see why y'all are complaining about how it's best that this kid didn't pledge, because he would have been "too much trouble" -- what? It's too much trouble that a parent has legitimate questions that he wants answered, and when the fraternity president avoids these questions, the parent is still concerned?
Speaking from the position of somebody who has anti-Greek parents -- a lot of parents feel the same way that "Mike's" parents do. I didn't even tell my parents that I'd rushed until after I accepted my bid, because I knew they wouldn't like it. I think my mother still thinks I got hazed, even though I've assured her that I didn't. My mother's seen a couple episodes of "Sorority Life" and assumes that was what I was going through, even though I've tried to explain the difference between SL and actual sorority life to her. And the only reason I'm even allowed to be in a sorority at all is that since I'm paying for it, and my parents figure if it's my time, my money, I'm over 18, and my grades don't fall, they don't really have a say. And since they haven't gotten a call from the hospital yet, they figure I'm doing okay.
That said, if I was Mike, in this case, I'd be humiliated.
And let's just be honest -- freshmen very often DON'T make very good decisions for themselves. That's why we see so many hazing stories -- because a lot of freshmen leaving home for the first time are desperate to fit in, they will do things that they might not otherwise consider.
To finish up, 'cause I know this is already way too long, I thought the president's replies were satisfactory -- until he played the "one of the fundamental differences between fraternities and clubs is that we have secrets, therefore I can't tell you what our pledgeship consists of" card. THAT is why non-Greeks think our initiation rituals consist of sacrificing lambs and drinking their blood. That's why non-Greeks get initiation and pledging confused. Ritual is secret, but pledging should not be. And "our pledge period activities are secret" is really just code "we're doing things we could get in trouble for doing if everyone knew about them." If you're not doing anything you shouldn't be doing, and it's not ritual, why can't you tell non-members about it?
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