I figured I'd better reply before someone thought I already killed myself.
To answer some questions
1) I have only been on anti-depressants for 5 days so obviously it will take some time before they kick in.
2) I do see a counselor and since I was feeling very suicidal I went to the counseling center and asked to see my counselor. I have signed a no suicide contract. I will see my counselor again Wed.
3) I don't blame my ex for these feelings of unhappiness bc I have felt like this for years. But for some reason I have been super upset over this break up and I feel like a psychotic person. It really hurts me that he told me he was not interested in dating anyone and then he started dating someone right after dumping me, who works at the gas station he always goes to. It hurts knowing that he probably met her while dating me bc he always stopped to get a Mountain dew at the gas station before coming to see me. I am sick of guys dumping me. I have had one friend each month this year get engaged/promised. This only depresses me more because my whole life my dream was to get married young and start having kids around age 25/26. I didn't want to have kids right when I got married. I also wanted to be a young mom. Anyway I've pretty much repeated that in many threads and I know that I'm young blah blah. I have never been the dumper always the dumpee. I am constantly rejected. Yes I know that there are people with worse lives than me but that makes me feel worse for feeling the way I do. I never have been happy and I truly would like to die, BUT I know that everytime I want to I get indecisive bc I can never go back once I do it.
I truly regret the day I was born. Perhaps I should not have shared this online.
I also wanted to say thank you for all of you who PM me. I do appreciate it.