Quote:
Originally posted by PSPGirl
It seems like everyone my age already knows who they are going to marry. Sometimes I feel like there is something wrong with me because I am single, and I always feel like I am the only one. And I am only 19!! So those of you who are married, how old were you when you met your now spouse? And how many people did you date before you got married?
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To be honest, I thought I knew who I was going to marry at 17. If I had, I'd probably be a backwoods wife of a semi-nice pothead with three kids and no hobbies. Instead, I'm the wife of an awesome library tech guy who's going to grad school, who is into theater and history and roleplaying and fantasy novels and science fiction, who is okay with waiting for kids until we move from townhouse to house house and until he gets his degree two years from now. I'm a geek girl. This is a much better match.
I'm on the slow side... I dated two guys in high school, and kind of went out with another guy my freshman year before becoming bf/gf with my husband. We met in fall of 1991 when I was a freshman and he was a sophomore. We became bf/gf in January 1992, he lavaliered me in October '92, I pinned him in Summer of '93 and he pinned me back in January '94 (I think). I kind of felt like he was the one by then. After he graduated, I went overseas in fall, but we wrote letters about every week. I graduated in Spring '95 and immediately went into grad school.
Christmas of '95 I went home and while there went to a New Year's party where a friend wanted to know why we weren't engaged yet. I said "because he hasn't asked" and she said, "You *could* ask *him*, y'know." So the next day I bought two white-gold plain bands, and I was going to wait until our anniversary, but when he picked me up on Jan 2, 1996 and took me home (where I was staying that weekend until going back to grad school), I popped the question. (He asked me right back, then when I called home took the phone and asked my dad for my hand in marriage. awwww!)
We didn't actually get *married* until July 1998-- I graduated and got an apartment in 1997, and he didn't move out of his dad's house and into my apartment until we got back from the honeymoon. We'll be celebrating 5 years in July of this year. And man, it goes fast!
What's all this have to do with you? Well, maybe a lot, and maybe nothing. I didn't feel pressured to be *single* or *dating*. I just went about my business, made friends with a pretty decent guy, got to know him, and became his girlfriend. We took it slowly, and didn't worry so much about whether to get together or get married compared to our friends. We just did things our way, on our schedule.
I think a lot of people pressure themselves (or are pressured) to get into a relationship when they aren't ready, just because they feel they need to be with someone. Don't feel like you need a man to be a woman. Don't feel like you need a man so you can have sex (not saying that you feel that way, but some people do). Don't feel like you have to rush things! Be happy for your friends, but also be happy for yourself. If you're interested in who you are and what you're doing, you should naturally make friends with a guy who shares many of those interests. And that means that you'll have more to build a relationship on.
My guy is my best friend, hands down. Sure, marriage is rough at times, but it isn't awful if you're with the right kind of person. You can look around for him, but don't feel like you *have* to find him *now!*. Life may have other plans for you... you may meet your guy at work two years after school. And that's fine. Or you could meet him at a fraternity party Friday night. That's fine too! Just be yourself, have fun with friends, hang out, be open to meeting new guys, but don't rush yourself, and your plans will happen when they're ready to.