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Like wptw said, this really varies on the chapter level. I have a friend dating a SigEp and he gave her a set of letters, but my SigEp (different campus) told me that I couldn't wear their letters unless we were pinned/engaged. The standard that my chapter of Gamma Phi has talked about is that we will not give men our letters unless they give us theirs - I don't know what would happen if a sister wanted to give an independent letters, I'm sure we'd talk about it.
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