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I have found one of the best ways to make newer members more comfortable during pref is to have them bring a special item with them to the event. Maybe it's the teddy bear that their big sister gave her when she received her bid. It could be a picture of a special moment. A letter that a sister wrote her when she had a bad day could do the trick.
Having a "prop" sitting right there on the table can serve as a crutch if she needs it. It is a great introduction to a story about "what XYZ has meant to me."
Something else that I think is important for preference is setting the right mood BEFORE the new members even walk through the door. Try not to be rushing around decorating or rearranging furniture right before the party begins. Have alumnae present that can light your candles for you so that the chapter can take a few minutes to prepare their heads and hearts for the event. Plan well in advance so that the chapter has a good 15 - 30 minutes of "down time" right before the event. In those 15 - 30 minutes go around the circle and have everyone take a turn briefly telling about one special XYZ moment for them. I have found that this helps to set the mood of the evening.
I don't think there are any "magic words" to seal the deal. Every PNM is different and every member has a special story to tell. Matching the right PNM to the right member is part of the formula but it is really what the member's HEART says that will tell the PNM that this is HOME.
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