[VirtuousErudite]

I'm not talking about when first meeting someone. I was referring to the occasions when whites make comments such as "I don't think of you as black" when describing black people who may not fit the stereotypical view of what they consider to be blackness. To me this is not a compliment and unfortunately the majority of the time that comments like this are being made in my experience do not occur in familial situations.

Originally posted by AXOLiz
First off, I want to apologize in advance if I offend anyone because that isn't my intent.

A girl I knew back in 6th grade said something I've never forgetten on this exact topic. She, her parents, and her sister were all white. Her older brother, who was black, was adopted before she and her sister were born. One day, a few kids were making fun of her for having a black brother. She was really hurt by it and was telling us about it. She told us, "I never thought of him as black. It doesn't matter what he is, he's my brother. I never really noticed he was different from me until other kids said something."

Does this mean she thought all African Americans fit a certain stereotype and that her brother didn't and was therefore not black? No. It means he was her brother first, and the fact that he happened to be of a different race wasn't a factor in their relationship.

While I can't speak for everyone, I don't think saying that you don't think of someone as black, or Jewish, or a woman, or gay, or whatever means that you must have the group they belong to stereotyped in some way. I wouldn't want to be known as someone's white, semi-Catholic, female, heterosexual friend. The fact that I'm all of those influences who I am, of course, but I'd wonder a little more about someone who always has a person's race at the front of their mind than someone who doesn't think twice about it because it doesn't change their relationship.