If I remember correctly, the entire premise of a shower is to shower the bride/new mother with the gifts that the couple/baby will need in getting started out. I figure that by the second time around, she will have just about everything she needs to start a household or have another baby.
Times have changed so much in the last 40-50 years that its hard to say what is appropriate anymore. IMO, you shouldn't feel obligated to attend...and you are certainly not obligated to send a gift. I think a polite card sending your regrets and best wishes for a happy marriage is plenty.
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