[PenguinTrax]

So, when is the baby due? (I tell them last week, just to see their reaction)

Do you know what it is? (We're hoping for human.)

Did you pick a name? (We just thought we'd call it 'baby' for a while.)

Want me to tell you how difficult MY labor was? (sure I'd love to know how much pain you were in.)

Can I touch your belly? (what do I look like, a Buddha statue?)

What kind of birth are you having? (What business is it of yours?)