But what if that's really how the girl feels? I just want to make sure I understand what you're saying since maybe I'm just confused, and if this at all comes off as harsh or taking you too seriously, I apologize because that's not my intent (and is why I hate talking about stuff by posting messages).
Basically, by saying, "Well, I still love you," the girl is saying, "I don't want to be with you anymore because I'm not attracted to you like I used to be, but I do care about you more than the average person."
The general belief is that guys fall in love with girls they're attracted to, but girls become more attracted to guys they love. Girls' attraction to guys generally grows stronger with time...not the "DAMN I WANT TO JUMP YOU!" kind of attraction, but in general, the more you grow to care about someone, the more attractive you think they are (way to apply something straight out of my major, my advisor would be proud
). Girls tend to become emotionally attached more quickly than guys just through spending time together, and guys tend to become more attached through the physical aspects of the relationship.
So I guess it just makes sense to me (or maybe only to girls) that a girl could still REALLY love a guy she isn't attracted to or doesn't see in a romantic light. However, maybe guys, since their love is greatly dependent on attraction, would see that as the girl just trying to soften the blow since they'd never be in the relationship to begin with if they weren't attracted to her, and they definitely wouldn't have grown to love her without that attraction.
That's why I don't see it as a cop out necessarily, unless the girl is just saying that and doesn't mean a word of it, in which case she should just get right to the point.
For the record, I'm not the type of girl to beat around the bush, I'm more the, "Look, it's not going to work," type. So if you're saying girls should just suck it up and say what they really mean, I agree with you 100%. I've never been one for leading people on just so you don't feel like you're being mean.
Quote:
Originally posted by KSig RC
Look, I think you've taken my post in a far too negative light - I'm not inordinately pessimistic, but I was simply stating that by the very usage "love" and "Loooooove" (as you put it) are not the same thing, and two separate words would cast a different light on things.
Having strong, friendly feelings for someone, but nothing else, obviously means you're not "in love" with them - so why fuck around and say "well i DO love you, but i don't LOOOOOVE you"?
Because it's a cop-out, plain and simple - the goal is to use semantic differences to ease the impact of the words.
Now, let's just change the equation here - "in love" will be replaced with "A" and "friendly love" will be replaced with "B". I prefer to look at it like JAM does - when you've found your ideal partner (for most people), you'll reach high levels of A and B. When you pick a roommate, you'll look for high levels of B. When you break up with a boyfriend, you've lost A, so you use B to make him feel better - EVEN THOUGH IT MIGHT BE THE TRUTH, that's still the point, right?
Think about it - why alter the very definition of the word? b/c it's beneficial to do so - but it doesn't make it any less of a cop-out
|