Quote:
Originally posted by straightBOS
...You family is not obligated to like or even associate with your wife or husband. He should suck it up, stay with her if he pleases, but not expect his family to agree with or accept it...
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I disagree with some of this statement. No, your family is not required to like your spouse, but they should at least make an effort to be civil and please to him/her. Your family has no
right to freeze your spouse out of family events, unless of course they are
trying to alienate you in the process.
My belief is: if my family doesn't make my spouse welcome, then I'm not welcome either. I don't believe in spouses attending a majority or all family events by themselves. Doing so presents a divided front to your relatives, and that's an easy way to:
- Stay tied to mama/daddy's apron strings
- Invite the family all up in your business, under the guise of giving you "tea and sympathy"
- Vindicate your position in the marriage by letting you tell your side and your side only (do ya wanna be "right", or do ya wanna be married?)
- Let your family know that your allegiance is to them, not your life partner.
My husband and I subscribe to this philosophy (taught in an 8-week pre-marital course required by our church): a marriage is a triangular relationship with the husband, wife and God (and the top), and relatives, friends, coworkers and associates form a circle outside of and not touching that triangle. Yes, we love our relatives and friends, and yes, we may have a history of confiding in them all of our troubles. However, people are human, have long memories, and inevitably, take sides. Since our famililes/friends are interested parties, they may not offer impartial advice. When you need a human being to talk to about the
serious issues of marriage, turn to your what your pastor/spiritual advisor/therapist, who is trained to help you seek resolution. Rather than resolution, family and friends can keep a lot of mess going, sometimes.