Quote:
Originally posted by Ideal08:
Soror, I hope you don't mind if a sista' replies.  I tried to stay away, but I couldn't.
I will be 27 in 11 days.  I am single, with no prospects of a husband in sight. I want children BAD! I have chosen to be patient and wait on God, basically because I don't have a choice. At the same time, the whole situation can become depressing, because I feel like I'm off schedule. I always thought I would be married with children by now. I have always wanted, and still do want, to have children before I'm 32. My mother was 32 when she had me, and I always felt like my parents were so much older than everyone else's. It didn't help matters when they both passed when I was only 19. I don't want to be an old parent. And I don't want to die when my children are young. I realize that I have no control over this. I've given it to God, and I will deal with how he dishes it out. But at the same time, I'm ready to have children. I don't want to have them out of wedlock, though. But I am considering it. Not right now, of course, but when I feel like I am more finanicially stable. Will it be hard without a husband? Absolutely. But my life has been hard thus far, and I've dealt with it. Will I get pregnant by ANY man? Not if I can help it. Am I going to trap a man into committing. Oh, definitely not. Will I continue to use protection, yes.
|
With all the love in the world that I have for you, soror, your reasons for wanting to be pregnant and the need to have children right away are still selfish, from my perspective.
But hey, what do I know anyways.
And what do you mean, your too old at 32? I'm 32! No prospective husband in sight. I still do not feel I am too old to start a family... But I choose not to do it alone, without a man. I truly have the faith that planning a "life" together 'til death do us part is more important to me than my own insecurities about my biological clock exploding... And boy does it!!! Besides, after you have children, that "pouch" really never goes away and I love the way I look right now...
Biblically speaking, Sarah of Abraham tried to circumvents God's will through Hagar and Ishmael... But when God granted Abraham a legitimate seed into Sarah, she laughed, but out came Issac... Moreover, Elizabeth was old when she had John, the Baptist---Jesus Christ's cousin. So it is not unusual having children late in age according to God's will... If you are a Christian, think of this, it says in the New Testament, that "bless those that have never experienced child pains for the Heavenly Jerusalem is yours like Sarah is the Heavenly Jerusalem opposed to Hagar, the Earthy Jerusalem"... I haven't got the whole gist of the scripture. But the way I understand it, that one can be a better mother according God's will than to go out there and prove biological fact...
I was speaking to a 44 year old woman that has a 27 year old son who has graduated from Berkeley and now is receiving a Master's from Stanford... She said that her 38 year old sister decided to "go at it alone" and have "fun with the sperm donor" to conceive and they worked it out to where he pays child support and she takes care of the 2 year old. But now, the man is "cursing" the baby's mother out for whatever reason because he moved away and doesn't want to pay child support anymore--what a headache. The 44 year old woman said she was married to her son's father but got divorced because she knew she was too young to married, which was 17/18 yrs old at the time. But she said that although it was hard for her being a teenage mother, she said she would practically kill somebody if they "messed" with her child. I see that happen more often with young mothers than with the 30 somethings fighting for anybody but themselves taking care of their child...
To me, it is for selfishness that folks like us want children. Yes, I admit I feel the same as you do sometimes. And the fact is that God wants to grant us a gift because He only knows when we can handle it... And if God doesn't want me to have what I think is a beautiful gift, then there must be a reason--more than likely I cannot deal with it--and so, I guess I can live with my reality by being barren and childless, even if it means forever until I die...
I had decided myself to appreciate that aspect of myself. But I totally know what you are going through because I feel like that myself sometimes. And I'm not crazy and need help-- I'm unique!
