I am suprised that this thread was back on top, I specifically signed on tonight to post a message here.
I guess I have had a "setback" in my recovery.
I worked third shift last night and when I came home this morning I saw my exboyfriend's (our apartments are right across the street), ex-girl's car parked out front...and it had frost on it so I KNOW she spent the night.
I thought that I was doing good about the whole situation, but I have had such a hard day today. I have avoided all of my friends and family today, and I have been crying all day. I am hungry and weak but I can't bring myself to eat...I feel empty both literally and figuratively. I am tired but I can't go to sleep, and my eyes are swollen and my head hurts but I can't stop crying. I don't know why I am on here just telling all of my little worries, but i don't want to wake anyone up this late. I feel like such a punk! I just can't stop crying. I thought that I was very self-confident, but I just can't help wondering "Why wasn't I enough?", What did I do wrong that he had to cheat? I know that it's not my fault but I just can't help it. My self-esteem is shot right about now, and I never thought that a relationship/or lack of, would do that to me. I was looking in the mirror and telling myself that I love myself and that God loves me and that's what matters...that just makes me cry more. It hurts even more that he was/is my best friend, and when I am going through something...for the last year or so it's been him that's consoled me...I guess you know that saying that the only cure is a hair from the dog that bit you in the first place! I tried to get out of the house...I went to the library and to Barnes and Noble, but I had to cut off the radio and pull over when Ashanti's "Unfoolish" came on...and I don't even LIKE ashanti!!!
I guess this post makes me feel a little better, to get it off my chest...but as I type I am still crying...
I know that things will get better, but I just don't see how I am going to get over this and not be bitter. I know he's not over there thinking about me. They are probably over there rolling around on the mattress I BOUGHT!!!! Ya'll he better be glad I am just sad and not crazy! A crazy heffa would have gone over there and slashed her tires...(that would just prolong her stay
), and I can't be mad at her anyway.
Ya'll just pray for me...a sista is having a bad time over here tonight...and I know my face is going to hurt from all this crying tomorrow.