Apparently she's very mad that I told her I dont' feel like I have any freedom sometimes. She interpreted it as "you dont' understand why I worry about you and therefore you don't see that I love you."
She had said maybe we'd do something today. I slept late today and was not too willing to get going because I'd taken a muscle relaxer last night (yes, law school had me so stressed that I was having muscle spasms). She came in my room a few times to ask to borrow clothes or something else. She never said what she was doing.
Finally at 11AM she said "well, i'm going shopping, and you apparently don't want to go with me because you didn't make the effort to get ready...If Josh had said he were coming for a certian time, you'd be ready...why don't you go do something with him...I'm just going to have to be alone again.
Right.
Basically, she set me up to not go with her, so she could be mad at me. I didn't know what we were doing, and so I didn't bust ass to get ready. She said I could go if I didn't take time to shower or anything, because she needed to get going. Had she just told me from the outset that she wanted to go shopping with me, I would have gotten together. I guess I'm just suposed to be a mindreader.
Personally, I think my mom resents that I haven't made any of the mistakes that she has. I've worked my butt off in school and donne really well, been a happy relationship, had good friends. I know I have the potential to go far and be very happy. She, however, feels that since my dad died its her punishment to be alone; she feels that she is a failure in her career. And because of that, part of her can't love me and has to make me feel badly about who I am and what I do. Either that, or I was never supposed to grow up - I was supposed to stay at home forever, and take care of her.
