Jazbri, there is nothing wrong with soul searching. The problem that I have is
what you're soul searching about. In my opinion, anything entitled "Why Are Black Women Scaring Off Their Men?" should not be something that should make black women start re-evaluating and analyzing themselves. The title alone infuriates me. Why are WE scaring the black man away?
I am
sick and tired of hearing things like this about black women. It's bad enough others have and continue to portray us negatively, surely we don't need to start validating what they say by beginning to believe it and having the audacity to start adding our own little derogatory writings about the scary, self-indulgent black woman.
Analyzing yourself is not subservient and degrading, thinking that in order to truly be "in touch with our feminine centers" and to keep our men from running to the white woman, we have to put the black man ahead of our own personal acheivements and goals is!
Sister, you said yourself that black women can be gracious and lady-like, yet independent and strong.....(many of us are) so any black man that has had bad "speriences" (to quote Iluvmook98) with women who they and yourself seem to think are not treating them like kings, then there's plenty of independent, educated, sexy, feminine black women out there that will.
So, AINT NO REASON TO GO IN SEARCH OF SOMEONE OUTSIDE THEIR RACE!
There is and never will be a shortage of good, black women so believe me when I tell you the men that are "scared away" are doing it because
THEY WANT TO. Then to try and put the blame on us to justify what they're doing is nothing short of being a coward.
Now I don't know the circumstances behind your failed marriage, but sister PLEASE don't continue to beat yourself up over it. Divorce happens to the best of us. And as I'm sure you had your part in it's failure (as does your husband)it doesn't mean you're less of a woman. You've probably done some things that were wrong, but
as a black woman there is nothing wrong with you.
Understand this.
To another point, I didn't say you or any other black woman should choose to be superior to black men. I merely pointed out our the fact that we
COULD be.
As far as me solidifying your point. I don't see how. Conceding, and holding your tongue so that it makes your man feel more masculine IS a form of being submissive.
Why do black women allow themselves to be physically and menatlly abused by their "Kings"?
Why are our self-esteems so low?
These are questions I would go soul searching about. Why Black men are dating white women? I, personally, wouldn't waste my time pondering. Actually, I think it's more of an identity problem or personal issue that they have with themselves more than being "scared" off by us.