I'm sure that most of you will be relieved that I am removing myself from the discussion. But first...
Jazbri,
The clarification was because you stated in one of your response that you are not a man so you can't answer what the male's role is but you can only say what you want in a man. So I was just clarifying that I did not expect you to answer from the male point of view but what YOU think their ROLE should be. Not how you want them to treat you. I realize that most women want a loyal, honest respectful etc. man. But what do you think that he should do not just be. For example you said things about a woman's domestic roles, I was just wondering what you expected of a man. That was all. No sarcastism on my part. Just trying to understand your perspective.
Secondly,
I can see both sides I guess I just wanted to be clear that everyone involved in the discussion did not feel that somehow all of the problems in Black relationships fall on the shoulders of women. While I do think that some women take the we are equal thing too far I think that many men don't take it seriously enough. I like MissDiamond am just concerned that women not feel that they are the only ones in relationships that need to bend. I often use the "I want to be his queen example." When I do I remind women and men that a queen is treasured just as much as a king. Maybe differently but treasured all the same.
It scares me when I see women so pressed to have a man and equate a man with happiness that they degrade themselves as humans. I want to do for my fiance but not because I need to keep him or do it to make him happy as a slave might his master but because OUR collective happiness is based upon pleasing each other.
Men and often women think that the only sacrifice is to be made by women. It is a huge sacrifice to the man if he does not cheat. But the woman had better not cheat, cook, have constant wonderful sex, give him healthy kids, work, make money (but not more than him) and massage his ego.
It frightens me to think that many women feel that they are happy if their man is happy. That all depends upon what you both agree is acceptable. I know of a man who told a co-worker that he brings home the money so he should be able to do what he wants. But why do so many men think that? They are willing to do things at the expense of their women's feeling (as if she should not have any) but would leave her in a NY sec. if she thought of the same. We need to take care of each other (money is not all there is to a man being a provider)what about providing for the womans emotional and spiritual needs as well.
I don't want to out shine my man, I just want to shine with him...
I don't want cheat, I also don't want to be cheated on...
I don't want to ignore his needs, I also don't want mine ignored...
The list can go on and on.
Just as women need to think of men's feelings, the same needs to be reciprocated.
I am a queen not a slave.
[This message has been edited by lluvmook98 (edited October 17, 2000).]
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