Both Miss Diamond and Jazbri bring valid comments. I never got the impression that we were advocating a subservient role regarding our relationship with our men. My perspective was in looking at how we may overlook "the good man" because of some archaic theories about the "package" the "good man" should be in. Indeed, I have no desire to walk two steps behind my man, but I do not have the desire to walk two steps ahead of him either. I want to walk side-by-side, arm-in-arm as we walk through this life together.
The issue becomes, though, is "what do I consider equivalent? Equivalent doesn’t mean he must have identical education, salary and job responsibilities as myself. I think how we define equivalence is where we sometimes do a disservice to ourselves. I may make more money than my honey, for example, but he may be a better cook, so he's got responsibility for the kitchen. He may be a better money manager. I'm not looking for a Mr. Mom at all, but I would expect us to be equal in what we bring to the relationship in terms of time or dedication of talents. That's why I'm able to date a man who is a "good man" but is not bringing mega bucks or a Ph.D. (although he is getting his Masters) to the table--he has other qualities that balance out my own shortcomings. Of course the other side of the coin is that the brother needs to also be comfortable with the fact that he is not the primary breadwinner in the relationship, and that what he contributes to the relationship are not all the traditional things men are used to bringing. Some men can't handle that and may resent the woman for “usurping” his “natural” position. The key is for both men and women to not allow the breadwinner or educational issues to bring too much power into the relationship. Yes, earning the money is important, but I cannot “lord that over him” and negate his contributions as “less” than my own or vice versa. I have to be willing to appreciate the fact that while different, his contributions are just as important as the money I bring in. If I can’t do that, or if he cannot, our relationship is doomed to fail.
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Finer Womanhood: the "Cat's Meow" Since 1920
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