Dear Miss Diamond,
I've been expecting the thread of your response. My initial reaction to the first e-mail in regards to the black male turning to non-black females was mirrored in yours. With some honest soul searching along with observing my sister friends, I began to see not only the fallibility in his viewpoints but in mine as well. I feel that it's completely wrong for him to justify his seeking someone outside of his race based on the negative experiences he's had with black women. My question (which apparently you find to be subservient and degrading) is to analyze me (the black woman). I found many things 'wrong' (for lack of a better term) with me as well as my peers. I haven't 'bought' into any ideologies. I have, however, been a shoulder to cry on and have cried on my share of shoulders trying to identify what it is that I'm doing wrong. Let me state that our men are definitely not blameless nor are they without issues themselves. My focus, however, is on me (the black woman). So what part (and this is key) am 'I' playing in reducing me to tears on my girlfriends' shoulders? In not one instance am I a proponent for "giving up my dreams and goals" so that black men with low self-esteems, inferiority complexes, and identity problems can better themselves. Nor do I feel the writer is a proponent of that 'foolish ideology'. In a sense you're solidifying my point. Some women feel that if they concede or if they compromise in a relationship they feel that they are being submissive. Some women feel that if they hold their tongue and 'pick their battles' they're allowing their men to get over on them! Some women feel that if they choose the man that may not have all of the very same credentials they themselves have, they are somehow settling. I recognize these characteristics within myself and my peers. I can only speak on something if I've experienced. After a failed marriage, I can only say that I must shoulder my portion of the wrong.
I salute and am eternally grateful for my sisters and bruthas who have led the struggle so that I am able to vote, to work in corporate America, to be able to attain that PhD, JD, MBA, to be considered beautiful contrary to popular belief and am now gracing the covers of Vogue, Cosmopolitan, etc. I also thank God everyday for a Nana who has instilled in me to be gracious and to always be a lady! I thank my father who raised me to be independent and strong.
MissDiamond, I simply choose not to be 'potentially superior' to my black male counterpart. I simply want to be his Queen, his helpmate, his calm in all of the chaos. I suppose that's the least popular position to take apparently when you look at the divorce rate in our community alone. One final disclaimer, I recognize that our black men have many areas of improvement to be spotlighted as well. But my question wasn't for them, it was for us...
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