Quote:
Originally posted by AuLait:
Shireen, I really feel you on that post. I don't feel there is a problem with men and women dating but I do have a problem with people who lie or lead their mate to believe that the relationship is exclusive. I just want honesty, nowadays that even seems hard for people to do. I think a lot of time, heartache and pain would be saved if people were just plain honest. One thing I do have to say Shireen is that just because people cheat doesnt mean they don't respect the institution of marriage, now if they cheated while married or engaged then i would say you are completely right. I think more so some people don't respect the relationship and the person they chose to have one with.
I'm a one man woman, I just wish more of the men I meet felt the same way.
Peace and Blessings to All
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Dear Sista,
I don't speak for all of the bruthas, but I'm many of them reading this can agree to some of this-as well as many of you.
When a relationship begins, both people are in the "impress me" stage. Everything they choose to say or do to each other is calculated/planned; they THINK about it before they say/do-because they want to appear to be "right", or to impress one another. After the relationship jels, the need to impress declines and they begin to be their true selves around each other. As more time passes, they tend to take one another's feelings for granted. Many times the things that both parties did to make the other person commit to the relationship cease(specifically the romance); then one or the other person gets bored. It becomes routine. When one person senses things have changed for the worse yet wants to salvage it, they immediately suggest that we "do something different for a change". They ask this many times at inopportune times for the other person; and because the other person can't do it at the requested time or the requested way, it is interpreted as a lack of care/desire. Then, there is a decline in desire to continue the relationship.
It is at this point that talking honestly is critical. If they don't, trust will become an issue; then it will end.
Many ladies say "all I want is that a man be honest". When he is, it hurts JUST AS MUCH.
It doesn't matter if this honesty you seek involves the confession of affair; it could simply involve the loss of love for you. It all hurts the same. And guess what? IT HURTS US TOO!!! Many times bruthas don't want to leave the woman in their lives. But many women change when they get a committment from a many they wanted; they take the relationship for granted. They don't keep themselves up, and use sex as a tool of revenge when they don't get their way. For every action, there is a reaction. There is a cause, and an effect. We all, both men and women, have to be honest about our actions-even if it hurts.
You already knew this; I hope bringing it to the forefront of you mind at this time was helpful.