You know that you are in a black church when........
1. Someone starts "shoutin" and is slapping you all across the head as you are sitting in the row in front of them.
2. Alright church, I need help on the offerin table, we got bills to be paid, yet he is driving a benz and yours is still at the mechanic because it failed inspection once again.
3. You have an offering for the church fund, sunday school fund, church picnic(mind you it's just October of the previous year), Deacons Board, Building fund(and you are still wondering that after 44 years why are they still owing the building anything).
4. Mother Johnston has to testify every Sunday for almost 2 hours because she has lived to see another Sunday.
5. When the pastor is reading his sermon from scrap paper.
6. When the pastor has to have organ music to help him get through his sermon.
7. When the only sermons that are preached are on Fornication and Adultery.
8. When your church is selling dinners but the main usher has that SERIOUS MASH POTATAS and CAWN attitude (like the cafeteria lady on Cedric's show)
9. When you only have a few members going to or putting in the collection plate, yet their hair, nails and clothing are off the chain...
10. When you can party until the break of dawn, but are barely holding up at church for two hours.
11. When your pastor preaches on something you just said to him that was confidential.
12. When you come home from church you call your non church friends and dog out the entire church from the pastor on down......
13. He has just completed his second hour of preaching and asks the congregation can he take his time.
14. When some sista says "I KNOW THASS RIGHT" to everything the preacher says during his sermon.
