To WW II: No I do not want you back. No I do not love you like that. Please stop sending me 99,000 forwards. Please stop sending me forwards that "require" me to send it back. Please learn how to send attachments. Please learn how to work your scanner program. Please do not send me pictures of "YOU".
Please do not leave 6 minute messages on my VM anymore. Please act your age and not like a horny adolescent.
To the doctor's office: I double dog dare you to bill me. You will see a disgruntled patient fa sho.
To MOTHERS: Kill that fake discipline. You know, you discipline your kid only in front of company.
To the PIG: Why do your INTESTINES smell so GAWD AWFUL? Why!?!?!?!
To the person who thought up eating the SH!TTIEST PART OF THE PIG: Boooooooooooooooooooooooooo hiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiissssssssssssssss.
To my mama: HOMEGIRL I love your cooking. Thank you LORD for giving me a mama who can cook.
Come December 21, have yo booty in the kitchen.