[DeltAlum]

OK, I grew up in Columbus and lived in Detroit for awhile, so I try to keep this game in perspective and walk the middle of the road.

But this article is pretty darn funny...



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ANN ARBOR--Let's make one thing perfectly clear. We love our little Buckeye friends. They're proud, passionate people, even when sober. This is the greatest time of their lives down in Columbus, what with "Jackass: The Movie" opening to rave reviews and the Buckeyes going 12-0.
We're not here to spoil the fun. We're here to help our addled neighbors preserve some dignity. It'll hurt at first -- like when they crush empty beer cans against their foreheads -- but they'll be glad they did it.
Here's the deal. For Ohio State's own good, for the pride of the Big Ten and out of respect for a storied rivalry, Michigan must beat the Buckeyes on Saturday. By doing the right thing and winning for the 37th time in 39 meetings, the Wolverines would prevent a few truly humiliating acts:
1. There would be no need to pepper-spray giddy OSU fans, although arrangements could be made for those who enjoy it.
2. OSU graduates wouldn't be distracted by the national-title talk and could get back to the important business of trucking goods across America.
3. The Buckeyes would be spared a trip to the Fiesta Bowl, where they're currently scheduled to lose to Miami by seven touchdowns.
Please, bear with me. In no way is this an attempt to disrespect OSU, which by every conceivable measure is the worst 12-0 team not named BYU in the history of college football. To show we're being fair, U-M is the worst 9-2 team in the history of organized football, not counting last year's Chicago Bears.
Now, I know this stance won't exactly be embraced in Columbus, where adept OSU students recently mastered use of the $%#@& buttons on the school's computer. But this is best for all parties.
A U-M victory would guarantee the Big Ten three top-10 teams, yet none would have to humble themselves in the title game. In addition, I fear the swilling Buckeye faithful again are losing perspective. Say what you will about John Cooper, but he knew how to keep them under control. If Buckeye fans ever got too excited, he'd slap together a quick 28-0 loss to U-M.
It was healthier that way. Now you have this Jim Tressel guy wearing his snappy little outfits, talking tough and changing locks on the doors so Cooper can't get in to address the team. At least Cooper understood the rivalry's tradition. U-M uses the game to salvage its season; OSU uses it to honor some chubby tuba player who staggers out to dot the i, earning three credit hours in advanced penmanship.
Tressel just doesn't get it. The winner of this game isn't supposed to get a major reward like a Rose Bowl bid anymore. The prize now is the Outback Bowl. From blooming roses to a bloomin' onion -- woo-hoo!
No one gets hurt this way. No one gets pepper-sprayed. No one gets obsessed, like the radio station in Columbus that broadcasts U-M's games.
But enough about the rivalry. Time to analyze the game:
Standard OSU possession -- Run. Run. Run. (Maurice Clarett helped off field with arm dangling.) Punt.
Standard U-M possession -- Run. Near interception. Run. Punt.
Should be a classic. For everyone's well-being -- and for Fiesta Bowl TV ratings -- U-M should do the Buckeyes a favor. It'll be painful, but you only hurt the ones you respect.
Pick: U-M, 14-11.