|
That guy DID NOT write that himself! About 4 years ago a woman in our BFA program (I believe she was a Delta Gamma) did this as her Senior monologue. I didn't actually see it, but a good friend of mine who was greek and in the same program as her responded on it's origins when I forwarded him the email I got. He sent me back this version, which he said was the actual text that this girl used. If this is true, it was written based on Greeks at UCSB, and I must say, this girl was almost dead on hitting all the stereotypes.
On another note, The guy who posted this on his website has some serious anger management issues - I don't know too many people who title their webpage 'fuck you'.
======
I AM SORORITY GIRL
It's all about the black pants...
I am a sorority bitch. My daddy is a lawyer and my mommy stays home and goes shopping to keep me up on the latest fashions since I am nearly 20 minutes from the mall here at college.
I have highlights in my fashionably short hair and my skin is always bronzed, despite the three feet of snow outside. Good thing I have a Jeep Grand Cherokee or I'd never make it through the elements!
I wear diamond studs in my ears and enough silver jewelery to blind oncoming traffic.
I have a frat-boy boyfriend. My frat-boy boyfriend and I met freshmen year at the rec center. I spend a lot of my free time at the rec center.
I realized after I gained the freshmen 15 that working out has got to be my number one priority if I am going to make it through college and still fit into a Nicole Miller dress at graduation. I work out at least once a day and go to the rec when it is the most crowded, that way I am guaranteed to see people and be seen.
I love sportsbras. I love the way they look with my Adidas running shoes and my Patagonia shorts. Sometimes when I'm feeling fat I'll wear my Derby Days t-shirt instead, or something that has my Greek letters plastered on it somewhere. I am very motivated, or at least pretend to be..
In my North Face backpack, I carry a Coach planner and you'll notice that all major social events are highlighted in pink marker. That way I'll have plenty of time to figure out what I am wearing for our date function on Friday.
I often complain about how busy I am, how stressed out school makes me, etc...but only because all my friends and my frat-boy boyfriend and his friends do too.
I go out every night. Last night I stayed in though, because all my black bootleg pants were at the dry cleaner and I chipped a nail which put me in a wretched mood. All my friends told me this morning that last night was pretty random anyway...
Today it's 65 degrees! Time to shed the Patagonia pullover and the North Face jacket! I shower and do my hair every morning before I go to class. I have enough MAC makeup to open my own store. I call Banana Republic "B-REPS" and buy my black pants at "BeBe". I wear bootleg everything. Somedays I try to look like a frat-boy and wear my bootleg khakis with my boyfriend's dirty COCKS baseball hat.
I use words like "sweetheart" and "baby" often as ways of showing my affection for others.
Daddy pays for all my credit card bills. Last night daddy called and was angry that I went over my limit. I tried to explain I was having a bad day and I really needed that new pair of bootleg black pants, but he just wouldn't listen. Sometimes he's so insensitive.
I love sex. If I say I don't, I'm lying. If I go to a late night party, I have intentions of hooking up. If I cry with him, it's my first time. If I scream, I am being dramatic. If I talk about sex, I am a tease. If I don't I am a closet whore. My frat-boy boyfriend and I don't have sex. We make love. He says there is a big difference.
Well, enough boring details of my life... I am running fashionably late so I'd better cut this short! I'm off to meet my sorority bitch friends for coffee to gossip about our frat-boy boyfriends and talk about how much we hate the girls in other sororities. Oh shoot, has anyone seen my pea coat?! Gotta go now, talk to you soon, honey.
----
I AM A FRAT DICK
I am a frat guy. I live in a frat house. I go to frat parties.
I fight. I especially like to fight independents. I think if independents were cool they would have pledged a frat in the first place. I know that independents are jealous of my social life. I believe that I am more fun and can party harder than any GDI.
I am exclusive. I run dances. I am the brains behind Spring Break. I am the reason road trips exist. I hope you enjoyed my homecoming party last Friday.
I can recite the greek alphabet before the fire of a match burns out. I can rattle off all of my founding fathers as well as my fraternit obligations, but I don't know the words to my school song or my accounting prof's last name.
I don't go to class. I never study. I devise elaborate schemes to cheat on my exams. I don't buy books. I have a low GPA. I have an endless supply of doctor notes from the campus health center. I am thankful that my frat buddies will get me a job after graduation because I know that I can't get one on my own.
I give more than $1,000 of my parents' money in social dues each year to promote my frat's alcoholism problem. I drink because I am cool. I drink alot because I am cooler than you.
I serve alcohol to minors. I urinate in public. I do keg stands and have keg parties. I am the master at indians. I own you in quarters. I have never not drinken in the game "I never". If I can't find my beer bong I know I can find one next door. I
don't binge drink-I continually drink. I have a pre-funk for the "pre-funk". I can dance.
I wear my letters. I billboard my frat on sweatshirts. Most of
my T-shirts are frat t's from frat parties. I wear long sleeved T-shirts under short sleeved T's. I own many plaid button-downs. I tuck in the front and let the back hang out. I own one baseball hat. I live in my khakis. I wear Timberlands in the winter and sandles in the summer. Sometimes I wear sandles in the winter because I can.
I drive a sports utility vehicle. I play with my dog in the front lawn. My hair is a mess yet totally in style. I sometimes don't shave for weeks at a time. I am vogue.
Ladies love me, but more importantly, I know ladies love me. I
will never commit to just one girl. I don't wear condoms because it doesn't feel as good. I believe a girl gives up her right to say "no" if she is in my frat house after 1:30 a.m.
I am shady.I don't care about what girls have to say. I only care about me. I will say anything to get a girl into bed. I will say even more to get a freshman girl in bed because I know she'll believe me.I am a player.
I am loud and obnoxious wherever I go in public. I live in
filth. I enjoy the smell of old beer in carpet. I prefer a dingy frat house to a clean apartment. I think living among rodents builds character. I leave the seat up. I can't clean up after myself. I put on a great front for parent's weekend. No one can see through me.
I know every word to every song by Willie Nelson, David Alan Coe, and the Greatful Dead. I will sing them for you if I haven't picked up by nights end. I can't remember my parents home phone number, but I do know every digit to their calling card number.
I haze my pledges. I make them eat and drink things you would not imagine. I make them clean my house. I emotionally scar them for life. I abuse them physically. I make them cry. I then call them wimps. I later call them my brother if they don't de-pledge along the way. I know hell week.
I am everything that is wrong in America. I am everything you
wish you could be.
I am a Frat Guy.
|