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I can understand why so many people would be concerned about the image of your chapter if you had a member with a child or who was married. . . but when it actually happens, you may think differently...
When I pledged Gamma Phi Beta as a freshman, we had a member (a grad. student) who was 27, married, and the mother of two. This is not against our national or chapter regulations, and my chapter had no problem with her being in our chapter. Not only was she a dedicated, wonderful member, she donated her own home on a beautiful lake so that our chapter could use it for retreats, initiation, etc. I was a little skeptical of her at first, I'll admit, but there was nothing in the rules against it. She graduated, moved on, and now she's an active alum.
My perspective on this changed a lot recently... shortly after she was initiated in 2000, a rumor circulated that one of our members had eloped... the rumor was true. This member, at 19 years old, eloped with her long-time boyfriend. Our chapter was ecstatic, much to her surprise. She thought there were rules against married members, and there are not. We were disappointed that we weren't informed of the wedding, but her husband is extremely welcome now. Last Spring, we had a candle passing, and it turned out that this member was pregnant. Some of our members thought it was odd, that she was too young, etc. In her family, 21 years old is LATE to be having children... so we accepted her culture, threw her a baby shower, and it's been great. There is a clause in our bylaws that says you cannot be unwed and pregnant (you're asked to resign), but you CAN have children from a previous relationship before pledging, and you CAN be pregnant and remain active, so long as you are legitimately married... Our "mommie" member was very upset when she learned of her pregnancy... she was excited, but was afraid we would force her to resign... it's wonderful to have someone who is so close to explain the pressures of pregnancy, marriage, and soon, childbirth and motherhood. Our new members were a little skeptical at first of the 8-month pregnant member at Bid Day, but now they're so excited to learn that we will have a beautiful Gamma Phi Beta legacy in the next month!
If your members are lying about something so important in their lives in order to be a part of something else important, you may want to think about just confronting her. Look at what your bylaws (national and local) say and have someone she respects speak to her... an advisor, the president, her best friend or pledge sister... she'll confide in someone and work things through if the sorority is that important to her.
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