If there's already tension, I agree that it takes time (and probably a few officer changeovers) for things to get better. From an alumni chapter side of things, I think we have to be careful (and this is a sensitive one) about the people we elect or appoint to work directly with the active chapter. Sometimes the people who might be great with organizing alumnae activities come across as harsh or negative when dealing with undergrads. (On the flip side, those who won't speak up when they see something going terribly wrong are also a problem.)
Fun social activities and professional networking (reaching out to help actives in the same career field, for example) have worked well in my experience. Those remove some of that fear about the alumni being around to "police the active chapter." We had a nice (though attendance was lower than hoped for, due to a mid-July cold rainstorm) family picnic - open to actives, alumnae and families of both last year that seems to helped.
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