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They have got to be kidding. If that qualifies as journalism, I am going to start running my own paper:
In Chicago today, no pianos fell from a high floor onto anyone's head.
According to the mayor, pianos falling from great heights onto people's heads is a serious problem.
To deal with the seriousness of the issue, we have set up a hotline, 87-piano that you can call if you think you are the victim of a piano falling on your head.
We know it's happening out there, even though it's not happening and we have received no reports.
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A hiney bird is a bird that flies in perfectly executed, concentric circles until it eventually flies up its own behind and poof! disappears forever....
-Ken Harrelson
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