[KillarneyRose]

Funny you should mention that, James! This is from "8 Simple Rules for Dating my Teenage Daughter", by W. Bruce Cameron...

1. If you pull into my driveway and honk, you'd better be delivering a package, because you're sure as heck not picking anything up.

2. Do not touch my daughter in front of me. You can look at her, so long as you do not peer at anything below her neck.

3. You may come to the door with your underwear showing and your pants ten sizes too big, and I will not object. However, in order to assure that your clothes do not, in fact, come off during the course of your date with my daughter, I will take my electric staple gun and fasten your trousers securely in place around your waist.

4. I'm sure you've been told that in today's world, sex without utilizing a "barrier method" of some kind can kill you. Let me elaborate: when it comes to sex, I am the barrier, and I will kill you.

5. You may feel that in order for us to get to know each other, we should talk about sports, politics, and other issues of the day. Please do not do this. The only information I require from you is an indication of when you expect to have my daughter safely back at my house, and the only word I need from you on this subject is "early".

6. Once you have gone out with my little girl, you will continue to date no one but her until she is finished with you. If you make her cry, I will make you cry.

7. As you stand in my front hallway, waiting for my daughter to appear, and more than an hour goes by, please do not sigh and fidget. If you want to be on time for the movies, you should not be dating. Instead of just standing there, why don't you do something useful, like changing the oil in my car?

8. The following places are not appropriate for a date with my daughter: places where there are beds, sofas, or anything softer than a wooden stool; places lacking parents, policemen, or nuns; places where there is darkness; places where there is dancing, holding hands or happiness; places where the ambient temperature is warm enough to induce my daughter to wear shorts, tank tops, midriff t shirts, or anything other than overalls, a sweater and a down parka zipped up to her chin.


Haha, this guy sounds pretty liberal compared to MY dad!