[leilanimoon]

I couldnt go to last night's open house with GPhiB, but I may be able to tonight. None of the other houses have posted anything yet in the newspaper. I had to do a huge favor for a friend of mine and drive her to the hospital. (She's ok now). I promise to keep updating! I DID meet a girl from AKA yesterday while walking home. She just approached me and struck up a conversation. She was very friendly and gave me her number to call her whenever. I asked around and found out she was the president(?!?!) of AKA.
So now this adds something interesting to the mix. I'm a minority, but I've been raised in a diverse city, so going NPC seemed like a natural thing to do, but, then, there's awesome NPHC orgs on campus, too. I know their process is totally different, and it never really occured to me to actively consider it. All my friends, of all nationalities, have gone NPC, so I'm so used to the way it is structured, and from this board and all their conversations, I've totally been in that mindset. But I suppose I'll see as time progresses. I still have my favorites within the NPC, so it all comes down to which group of girls finds something in me which they can see adding something beneficial to their organization and which ones I feel at home with. Do you all recommend that I call this girl and meet some of her sisters, as well? I'm pretty sure that with NPHC, correct me if I'm wrong, but you just go for the one organization you really want, and go from there. It's funny, because that is kind of how I have felt about the houses I like within the NPC, that I wouldnt be being true to myself by just "joining" a house that picks me, and "eventually" feeling at home, because although it is supposed to be mutual selection, you guys remember I ended up with prefs from the two I wanted least? And then add in the factors of, perhaps they really liked me, but they cut all juniors, or some sort of factor like that?!? The houses that still stick out to me are the houses where there was no script, where I didn't have to try hard to keep the convo flowing, where we really had common interests, and I could tell they weren't bluffing because their experiences were similar yet at the same time unique from my own.

Right now my brain is all mush and I'm gonna give everything time to sort itself out in my mind. I hate being in such a time of indecision, because I'm usually such an all-or-nothing kind of girl. I'm very passionate towards things I truly care about, or I can be indifferent if need be. My friends' attitude now is like, Well, if they didn't want you, then screw them, you don't need to go greek. But in the back of my mind I'm still like, well, what if there were some random factor holding me back through formal rush? What if I look back and regret the fact that I didn't go after what I want? When I set my mind on something, I go for broke but hope that I'll know when to say when. I organized and financed my own trip as well as my friends' trip to Europe because it was my dream and I wanted to see it realized. That's the way I go about things I really want. This is something I've wanted for so long that I feel in a state of suspension. Like suspended opportunity..like it's all lingering juuuust out of my reach..which road do I take, etc....Suggestions?

Sorry if my rambling all appears too dramatic, but it's truly how I'm feeling right now.