Dear "rainbuckets,"
I am so sorry that your daughter had such a poor experience. I also had a very disappointing and hurtful rush experience when I was an undergrad. I went to a very small school where 50% of the campus was Greek. I know that the pressure to be Greek is much, much stronger at your daughter's school, but I also had my heart set on membership in a sorority. I also felt the pain of rejection. Even now, almost five years later, I can feel the ache of knowing that I was not wanted.
Fortunately, I was strong enough to realize that I am smart, talented, and fun to be around, and I was able to find other ways to make life-long friends and wonderful memories. I knew that the fast pace of Formal Rush did not allow any of the sisters to really get to know me. I am a quiet person, but I am a sincere and compassionate friend. I've always been shy in group settings, so Formal Rush simply did not present the ideal opportunity for the sororities to get to know the real me. I can't blame them for not inviting a girl they barely knew! I did not find a home in a collegiate sorority simply because the system did not fit the way I make friends. I attended an informal event during the following autumn and received a bid, but by then, I was so involved in so many other student organizations that I KNEW that I couldn't give as much of my time as the sisterhood deserved.
Yes, I was heartbroken. Yes, I still sometimes regret the choice I made in turning down Pi Beta Phi's bid, but if I had not dedicated myself to the student newspaper, the college choir & Chamber Singers, the National Service Fraternity (Alpha Phi Omega), and the college literary magazine, I wouldn't be the same person that I am now. And you know what? I like that person
I hope that your daughter can take heart in knowing that the system doesn't work for everyone. I hope that you will help her to recognize all the wonderful qualities in herself that obviously make you proud!
My greatest pain did not truly come from the rejection; it came from missing the bonds of sisterhood that I had waited so long for. Now, as a graduate student, I am forming a chapter of Beta Sigma Phi, a wonderful International sorority that I know I will love! I may also consider alumna initiation someday, but no matter what I do in the future, I refuse to feel bitter about my Rush experience. It taught me so much about myself and my ability to make choices that are right for me.
Good luck to you and your daughter! Sorry for rambling a bit, but I thought it was important for me to share my story. I think it has a pretty happy ending.
All the Best to you,
Erica
