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Hi Melissa! My heart really goes out to you. I wanted to let you know, that even though you may be down on yourself right now you really have to realize what a corageous person you are!! You have tried for something that you really wanted, and no matter how it turns out you have to be proud of yourself for that. There are women out there (ME) who never went through recruitment with NPC sororities out of a fear of rejection, not thinking she is good enough, etc. And here you are thinking about trying for COB!
There is absolutely nothing wrong with you, you are a much stronger woman than you give yourself credit for. I am so sorry that things have turned out the way they have right now, but don't think poorly of youself because of it. You have a lot of reasons to think highly of yourself!! And there are a lot of people here on GC who think well of you, too!
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