[MelissaS]

Well, I went to house 3. I have an hour before I'm supposed to go to house 7, but I've decided not to go.

When I went to house 3 before, I had the same 2 girls rush me both times, and I really liked them. Tonight it was 2 different girls and...I just don't know. I didn't like it this time, and I don't know if it's because I'm still so upset about getting cut from the other houses or what. But one of the girls started telling me this really long, really personal story about one of her friends, and that just made me feel really uncomfortable. I really don't think I can be in this house. So when it's time to fill out the pref cards, I will be dropping out of rush.

At least if I drop out, I'll be eligible for an open bid. I'm not sure but if I suicide house 3 I'm pretty sure I won't be able to get an open bid anywhere. And I would rather not put down a house I can't see myself in. It's just such a huge decision, and I wanted to be in a sorority more than anything but I just can't commit myself to a house if my heart isn't in it.

I just really don't know what to do with myself now at all. I mean, ever since I came to this school I've been counting on being in a sorority. It's not easy to have a social life on this campus if you're not greek. Even when things didn't work out last year I had every confidence that I'd rush this year and get into a good house and be happy. I should have realized that if I wasn't good enough then I'm not good enough now either. I thought it must have been the way I dressed or the way I acted that got me cut last year because I was clueless, but this time I knew every rush tip in the book, spent hundreds of dollars on outfits to wear, asked all the right questions, and had what I thought were great conversations. I did EVERYTHING I was supposed to do, so that can only mean that since there wasn't anything wrong with what I said or wore, there has to be something wrong with ME. This was my last chance to rush. It's all over for me now, and I put myself through all this emotional bull**** for NOTHING.