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MEMORANDUM
To: Michael Jordan
From: Lifesaver
Cc: Cher, Garth Brooks, Barbara Striesand
Re: Comeback
Date: September 25, 2002
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Really, Its ok to quit. REALLY. Mr. Jordan,. you have like 3 Trilllion dollars. You dont need to work. If you are that bored and want to do something that gives back, join the military or be a cop, fireman, etc. We realy dont need you that bad for news. We'll be fine. I assure you. We now have Iraq, Terrorism, Anthrax, Enron, Mid-Term Elections and that whole sucky economy thing to worry about now. The front page is all full. Maybe we could find some room on page 8D of the paper (nex tto the Denis Rodman/Carmen Electra tidbit) to cover your now patheic attempts for media coverage. If you like, I could place a call to CNN to see if I can get you on that annoying crawl thingy on the bottom of the screen. Other than that, you need to quit. Its over. I can actually hear the fat lady singing, and she's singing your song.
Also, Garth, Cher and Babs: Werent we all PROMISED that the last time we saw yall a few years ago it was the farewell tours? How many farewell tours can you go on? Just get all old and strung out and leave us be, thank you.
I am stapeling a dollar to this memo for each of you. You are instructed to take it, go out and buy yourself some dignity.
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