Quote:
Originally posted by James
A better approach might be teling her she looks unhealthy and unattractive because of a lack of muscle tone. And then leading the conversation from there.
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No offense, but for lack of a more tactful response at this time, if you said that to me, I'd kick you in the junk.
People have enough body image issues as it is. Throwing your two cents in, especially in that way, will NOT help, nor will it prompt them to lose weight. Chances are, you'll be one more person on the list of people who have written them off because they're fat. And writing it off as an exercise/muscle tone thing isn't a better way of saying, "You need to get off your ass and work out," especially because it isn't necessarily true. I know some people who are heavier than I am that are in way better cardiovascular shape. I know some very skinny girls who couldn't run down the block to save their lives without collapsing. I was 70 pounds overweight and could still do the splits and walk in heels better than any of my sisters because of years of ballet.
I lost 70 pounds so far, and while I still have about 25 or so more to knock off, if someone told me, in my current size 10 state, that I was unattractive because of a "lack of muscle tone," or whatever, they would feel my full wrath in a heartbeat. Losing weight was one of the hardest things I ever did, but when I did it, I did it for myself. By losing weight, I've helped inspire some people to do the same. One of my sisters is morbidly obese, and when I'd go to work out, I'd ask everyone if they wanted to come along, including her. I knew how embarrassed I was when I started, and how important it was to have someone there with me in support, so I offered her the same, and eventually she took me up on the offer. If anyone asks me for advice, I'll give it to them, but not unless they ask first.
You don't know what's causing someone to look the way they do. There could be serious emotional or health problems at the root of it. Even if it's not serious, there's got to be some reason people are overweight (or underweight), since no one WISHES they were too heavy or that they'd get an eating disorder. When someone who's supposed to be a friend goes and "helps," they need to seriously consider they kind of damage they can possibly be doing to an already fragile self-image. Now, if someone's asking for help or pays you to help them, they've already taken that first step. Then, I think, you can be upfront with them (although I'd never suggest telling someone, "You'd look SOOO much better if you did XYZ...").
Obviously, since I joined a sorority, not all of them care about your weight. However, those chapters do run the risk of being the "unattractive" chapter. Sometimes that doesn't matter, but other times, it can hurt numbers. From my experience though, every chapter gets some sort of bad rep for some dumb reason, so rush with an open mind and you'll hopefully find the place that's right for you.
