GCRegular,
Sounds to me like you use a "Black Ball". Just remember that every time you choose to use the "Ball" it is a life changing event for him. I used it six times and I still remember each and every one of them. I have lived to regret my choice only once.
A legacy. Does he have a birthright to a bid? Should he? Has past legacies enjoyed that right? If so, he should as well. If not, maybe it is time for your chapter to establish such a policy for the future. In my chapter a legacy must receive a bid, if requested. A policy that pre-dates my time. Ironically, the only legacy in my time was my paternal little brother. It was a very stressful time for me. Many conflicting feelings. While I love my brother, I knew from the start that my Fraternity was not for him. I tried to steer him in a different direction, to no avail. The point is that I knew from the start that this wasn't going to work. If a Brother had confronted me in the beginning, I think I would have been able too deal better with the situation before what could have developed into a nasty ordeal. In the end, he made it past the second "ball" and then he de-pledged. Maybe the easy way out, but it all could have been prevented.
I would go to his father and brothers that make him a legacy and explain how you feel. Be receptive to their thoughts and beliefs. If he’s not the right material, then they would already know he is not for your Fraternity. They just need to have their fears confirmed. On the other hand, they may feel strongly that he would be a good Brother. In this case, don’t you owe it to them to give him a chance?
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