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Originally posted by kia123
hey girls(and guys)
I really appreciate the advice, and I applaud members of Greek chat for not jumping down people's throats, even when they may have a different opinion, or what seems superficial. You are all great
With this girl, it's not only her looks, but her personality. I don't know how to describe it I mean she is sooo nice and tried really hard, But, she seems kind of dorky(she admits to having no friends and thats why she wants to join) That is what bothers me the most, Im worried bc I graduate this year about the girls she will give bids to(Im more worried about that than just giving her a bid) Does anyone know what I'm trying to say????I don't want it to have a snowball effect and a few years from now my sorority is full of unattractive people. I know there are soo many more important things in the world, and I upset myself soemtimes for worrying about this but I can't help it seeing how my pledge class turned things sooo around.
Thanks so much everyone this is a great site
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I know the exact issue you're talking about. You could totally be on my campus. I went to an engineering school. If you've heard FuzzieAlum talk about her campus, we went to the same school. It's filled to the brim with, for lack of a nicer term, dorky people. I have embraced my dorkiness, so it's ok.
When I joined, I was pretty dorky, by no definition "cute," I really didn't have many good friends and tried REALLY hard while rushing. The chapter (obviously) gave me a bid after rushing a few times, but by then, they had started to see that there was something worthwhile behind the awkward, super-nice but not cute person standing there. And, with the help of my sisters, I lost about 70 pounds or so, discovered classier clothes, and gained more confidence than I thought I ever could have. So a sorority can be GREAT for a average looking, semi-dorky PNM like myself.
-however-
My chapter, when they gave me a bid, was accepting pretty much anyone who was "nice" and interested in us and wanted to be a part of our chapter because no one wanted to hurt anyone's feelings and felt sorry for some of the girls. I realize this is probably why I got a bid. In the long run, that thinking has caused problems. Because of the girls we were getting, we were having image problems that are still an issue today (thought not as much). Many girls going through rush don't want to join a group that has a rep for taking everyone, or that is dorky, or is the "fat" sorority.
Rush is a quick way of making snap judgments on someone. While you're judging girls on appearance, they're judging *you* as well. It's how it goes. And while some people can look past superficial stuff, and I admire them for it, that's not always the case.
I saw the snowball effect in action. People tend to push for people who are like them, so a lot of the nice, quiet, dorky-type girls who had blossomed in our chapter looked for "project" new members who they wanted to help blossom. And I think it's wonderful that they wanted to help people grow, and I thank them for seeing that I could end up being a great asset. My sorority helped me SO much, and I'm grateful for the opportunity. However, for survival of the chapter as a whole, I'm the first one to stand up and say that "nice" and "trying hard" are not anywhere in our membership criteria, and I got really sick of hearing comments like, "She could grow SOOOO much here." I'm sorry, it's not all about what you can give to the new member, the new member also needs to contribute to the chapter.
Sororities survive because of their members, and each member makes a difference. While one or two less-than-perfect members probably won't make much of a difference, you can never tell who's going to end up doing what for the chapter. Just because a PNM wants you doesn't mean they're a good fit for your chapter. Period. I know now that I definitely would've thought twice before giving myself a bid.
I'm really sorry if I offended anyone, that wasn't my intention. I'm in the process of trying to help my chapter rebuild its image and its membership, so this is a bit of a sore subject with me. I realize when I get worked up, I don't necessarily think of the most tactful way of saying things, so I apologize in advance if I upset anyone.
p.s. alphaiota - I worked with a girl who's a tri-delt at Miami and she was talking about puddle pull. It sounds a lot like our rope pull. Congrats on your win!!