I think that being informative, encouraging, and sympathetic is appropriate. Saying a group would LOVE to have you crosses the line.
We never saw letters of recommendation when I was active so they were never taken into consideration. Groups did give extra consideration to legacies of course, but there were never more than a handful each year. I'm not even sure what snapped means.
As a sister, I would see about freshman go through rush with their hearts set on one of two or three sororities. Quota was 30ish. These sororities would easily get quota while the remaining would not. Dozens of women would be disappointed. They had decided before rush that they wanted ABC or DE or nothing. They contributed to their own disappointment by not having an open mind. How do you deal with that?