I'm a member of a mailing list where we're having a similar discussion. A Soror on that list brought up a good point. The disdain that some African Americans, particularly women, have for the concept of inter-racial dating is related to society's and the media's view of "beauty."
When I watch TV or read a magazine, unless I'm watching BET or reading Essence or Ebony, I rarely see anyone who is a reflection of me...no one with my broad nose, my full lips, my caramel complexion, my full hips and rear, my kinky hair. For some reason, that is not considered BEAUTUFUL. But I KNOW it is. WE KNOW it is. Our Mothers and Fathers have told us so. But no matter how much we KNOW that WE are BEAUTIFUL, it still HURTS to see an African American man date and marry a non-African-American woman, and ESPECIALLY a Caucasian one. Why does it hurt? Because it can be read as that African American man telling every African American woman that she is not BEAUTIFUL, that she is somehow sub-standard. To put it another way, interracial dating/marriages are and have been viewed by some as an INSULT.
I'm not saying this is what happens in all cases. We've been though the whole "love has no color" thing, but think about it this way....why are you wearing the clothes you have in your closet? I'll bet it's because you like they way they LOOK on you. Humans are very visual when it comes to choosing a mate. Any of you who are going to attemt to tell me you were first interested in your current boy/girlfriend because of his/her mind is LYING (unless you met them over the internet, but that's a whole other issue). Most likely you were attracted because of some PHYSICAL attribute. Because you liked what you SAW. I'm not going to sit here and tell you that some non-African-American men are not attractive....I'm not blind. But I LOVE and APPRECIATE the BEAUTY of an African-American man more than I feel an non-African American woman can.
It's wonderful to have someone else tell you you're pretty, cute, handsome, whatever, even when you know you are. But when it doesn't happen, it hurts and you start to wonder if you really are as good-looking to others as you are to yourself.
I'm not saying any of this to "condemn," as some others have, those who choose to date or marry outside of their ethnicity/race. If anything, I'd like to applaud you for having a love for others that most of the rest of us have yet to understand. It's going to take a while for this nation to be truly tolerant and respectful of each other, I seriously doubt it will happen in our lifetime.....it sure didn't happen in Martin's. Our society has ISSUES.....women are still fighting for fair and equal treatment, homosexuals are still waiting for the day where they can be open and honest about their sexuality and love for each other as heterosexuals, I'm not even going into the plight of non-white Americans as a whole.
Those who believe interracial relationship will be widely accepted within our lifetime are naive at best. We have too much to do as a society before that day will even dawn.
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Kelli
12-DN-94
SSU c/o 1997
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