[newtotheu]

Originally Posted by navane

Oh no, I am sorry to hear that you are facing the loss of your parent. Saying goodbye to a loved one is never easy and it's tough to face so many decisions in what I imagine is a sad time for you.




Thank you for being brave and for your honesty!

Ok...there's a lot to unpack here. Thank you for your willingness to let us have a little more insight. This will help us better help you sort out the best course of action. I hope it's alright, but I will be honest with you about my opinions, ok?

Edited to add: Other people were posting replies while I was drafting my response. So, others have touched on some of these discussion points already.

First...without knowing the specific campus you attend, most of these things aren't some kind of major dealbreaker in and of themselves. I think you may be overthinking a lot of these things based on sterotypes of sororities. For example, things like being 23/24 years old, coming from a mixed race family or a low-income childhood have zero bearing to me. Then again, I'm from Southern California. Maybe these factors are a big deal elsewhere in the country or at really expensive universities. (???)

Working full time, plus size, LGBTQ, MS....alone those aren't insurmountable. Adding depression/anxiety and eating disorder in start to make the odds lower. So, putting all those factors all together at once is quite a bit of an obstacle course to get through in terms of getting through sorority recruitment. Now, it's not because sororities are "afraid" of MS, or because sororities are biased against depression, or because LGBTQ is not welcome....No! That is not the case! It's because all of these factors lining up signal that it could be more difficult for you to be a full participating member and to a) contribute to the sorority and b) receive your full benefit of being a member.

Being on the autism spectrum "could" be a factor in that you report some struggles with socializing with large groups, etc. and that is a large part of what rushing and being a sorority member is about. BUT....you are not the first person on the spectrum that Greek life has ever seen!

Here's the kicker - YOU RECEIVED A BID!

There is a sorority that wants YOU for a member! YOU GOT PICKED!!




Carnation is correct. We need to discuss this AI idea with you.

Alumnae initiation polices vary from sorority to sorority. Generally speaking, most, if not all, sororities require you to be fully out of college (undergrad) before you can be considered for AI. Some don't require any college at all and some require the candidate to have some college completed (2 years) or hold a bachelor's degree. As an undergraduate student, you will likely not be eligible for AI - you are expected to go through sorority recruitment like everyone else. If they sent you the materials, it may be because they weren't aware that you are still an undergraduate student.

Second, there are ZERO guarantees that you will be offered AI. AI is not a situation where you submit an application in the mail and then they write back offer you a bid. Nope. In many ways, AI can be considered more difficult than sorority rush. You will most certainly have to attend in-person events with the alumnae chapter over the course of many months. The alumnae chapter will probably question you about why a 23 year old is trying to AI. All of the factors you mentioned above will still be in play and now you're potentially facing a crowd of 40 to 80 year olds to tell your life story.

Next, alumnae membership is not at all like collegiate membership. Going to a luncheon with older women is not the same as going to a football tailgate party with a bunch of co-eds. If you're looking for the "sorority experience", you will not likely find it in the way you hope with AI.

You said above, "I also want something to look forward to/social support of some level during a hellish time." That's completely understandable. To be honest with you, being approved for AI is a LONG process. It can be as quick as 3-6 months or it could potentially take 3 YEARS once you're eligible.....and you're not currently eligible until you leave undergrad. Your family situation is happening right NOW.....AI is not going to be a support system to you at the present time.


So.......it sounds to me that the dilemma is this:

1) Initiate with the sorority which offered you a bid this semester. Possibly not ever return back to that campus. The sorority would have to put you on alumnae status. That sorority does not have a collegiate or alumnae chapter in your current area. You would be a member, but you wouldn't have sisters in your area to interact with.

2) Withdraw from pledging your current sorority. Wait 4 years to graduate. Apply for AI with a group closer to you. Understand that they may not offer you membership at all.


Honestly? I would probably stick with the sorority that is offering you a bid today. You said there was still a chance for you to return to that campus in spring semester. Even if not, you may be able to work with your sorority to go on some kind of inactive status with a pending return Fall 2022. It is possible that you may not ever receive a bid again. Your current sorority could open up an alumnae chapter near you in the future. There are a lot of variables. However, in your case, it may be wise to take the deal you have right now.

Thanks for the advice. I was thrilled to get the bid that I did, and it probably does make the most sense to take it.

Since I enrolled this fall, it sounds like a lot of groups would make me wait years to be considered for AI. I haven't e-mailed the AI group that emailed me this week asking if they, too, require being years out of school but I need to email them back. Years to go the AI route sounds much less desirable than trying to make my collegiate bid work out. Months to years for a chance at being considered for AI is further in the future than I was hoping.

A crowd of 40-80 at a luncheon is a good point. While I feel "old" for a collegiate sorority, I also would probably feel like I stand out at a AI group if ages tend to be 40+. A luncheon sounds like a very different sorority experience than college, too, and honestly I'm hoping for more of a collegiate sorority experience than luncheons/business networking events.

I can also see how these things (autism spectrum, though "mild", a recovered eating disorder, MS - not yet noticeable other than getting a bit tired, and depression- sometimes not as functional) would make organizations feel like I might have a hard time being active or participating in everything. Virtual recruitment really helped with the noise/crowd factor, but once things get back to in-person, I have considered that some large greek events will be hard for me. I'm hoping any group I'm in will understand if I miss events due to health/whatever at some point, but I know it might end up being an issue during busier event weeks where I might not be able to last through endless events like some other people.

I'm going to also think about my overall situation the next few days and reach out to my collegiate sorority to talk to them about my potential moving timeline. That would ease a lot of my feeling like I'm stringing them along, and maybe they have options I don't know about. I'm hoping I can still participate in new member meetings and things virtually but I'm not sure when they plan to go back to in-person. Maybe they could put me inactive until spring or even next fall if I can move by then. I would still have years of college left to be active. I still hope my family situation improves and spring to move works out somehow. If I never get to move, I would love to be a part of this sorority starting some sort of chapter here if that's possible.

My main reason for not wanting to initiate my collegiate sorority was just that they have no local chapters if I can't move across the country in the near future. But I hadn't considered enough that this could change and they start a new alumnae chapter or a local collegiate chapter. I hope my collegiate chapter will be understanding when I approach them about by moving plans/timeline and that I can enjoy some virtual sorority meetings/events while I can. Not being in person there also will probably give me more time at the moment with family too.