[FSUZeta]

Hi Emerald,

You've addressed two different subjects in your post: the emotional distance of one of your little sisters, and then the feeling that you are being left out of your chapter. First, do these two subjects relate in any way?

To address the little sister situation, not all big/little relationships are all unicorns and rainbows, nor are they meant to be. A big sister is there to guide her little sister through her pledgeship and to help her connect to the chapter. The most important thing is that the new member feels supported and it sounds like the alum is supporting her.It also sounds as if they knew each other prior to the little sister rushing. Perhaps had the alum not graduated, your little sister would have requested her for her big. The main thing is that the new member is supported and is connected to the chapter. That helps keep her interested in being initiated and becoming an involved member.

How does she and your other little get along? Do you always try to do things with both of them at the same time? Maybe this little prefers one on one time.

As a chapter member and as an advisor, I have seen many different types of big/little sister relationships, from bffs for-EVAH, to more advisor-like, where the little is comfortable with the big keeping her up to date on chapter activities and being there for her if she needs support, but not a close friendship. Let's face it, no matter the size of the chapter, we are not best buddies with all our chapter sisters-we have girls we want to hang out with more than others. It doesn't mean we don't like them-just that there are others with whom we click better. It is not reflection on you.

Have you had a heart to heart with this little? It sounds like you need to. You might say that you realize that she has a special friendship with the alum, and you are glad she has someone she feels she can rely on, but you wanted her to know that you are always going to be there for her too, and if she ever has any questions about the chapter goings-on, or just want to grab a cup of coffee and chat, she only has to text. You be sure to keep her updated on chapter meetings, new member meetings, etc. When you see her on campus, be sure to go over and say hello and have a quick conversation with her to find out how she's doing. Occasionally invite her to have lunch or grab coffee or smoothie with you. Keep trying, but give her space.

As to the disconnect you are feeling with your chapter? You need to share more info for us to be able to help.