Quote:
Originally Posted by carnation
In the South, rec-writing is a social thing just like giving wedding showers. If you write recs for your friends' daughters, your friends will be there when you need them. Just like if you participate in giving showers for your friends' daughters, they'll be throwing one for your daughter someday.
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That’s it in a nutshell. These women aren’t being asked to do an arduous task. Now if those recs get written and sent and daughter doesn’t write a thank you note - or worse, mom writes the thank you notes for her - that’s not acceptable, and maybe a sign that daughter really isn’t into this whole rush thing (or mom skipped some important etiquette lessons along the way).
Helping daughter pick a wardrobe, practice conversation, keep track of what’s going on...I don’t think of any of that as fwap fwappy, any more than my mom and I picking out my college linens together in the Sears catalog was fwap fwappy.
The blades start spinning when: 1) mom tries to influence daughter’s choices during rush; 2) mom calls the sororities/school screaming when Li’l Poundcake gets cut; 3) mom has created a relationship where daughter who has less than zero interest in being Greek can’t tell mom or talk honestly with her, and gets stuck in what is inarguably a tiring and draining process.
What has made the process as intense as it is now? More students, for starters. Social media- everyone is going to know where you pledged, the group’s reputation, etc. Rules are far more strictly enforced - quotas, totals, RFM, risk management.
I also think part of it is because a lot of kids are in college that just plain shouldn’t be there - they either don’t have the smarts or don’t have the desire - but parents have been brainwashed into thinking that if their kid doesn’t get a top notch college education they’ve failed.
https://www.npr.org/sections/ed/2018...CQG7DMZfO0X_GY